Murpheys Law

So I have to admit starting this  journey on week where I am trying to stop smoking, I have over 2000 out in accounts receivable and companies waiting forever to pay me, and  I am pmsing something terrible is a REALLY bad idea.


I am itching to tear someone's head off. That is the EXACT opposite of what I thought I would feel like.

I am feeling like this journey is going to be harder than I thought.

I am learning though. I will admit that. This week I was having a really bad day. I thought that I would be paid on Monday from one of my companies, come Wednesday the check was still not here and I was really discouraged. I started praying and praising God. In just a few minutes I received a call from a woman and she needed a bi-weekly cleaning lady. My schedule is full for this type of cleaning but something was telling me that I needed to go speak to her. After spending a few minutes with her I could feel that she was put in my path for a reason. She had a rental house that was being remodeled. While this doesn't seem like much it was exciting to me because we are looking for a house to rent until we are ready to buy in a few months. I was asking her about it and we looked at each other and we both new this was meant to be. She took me too look at it and it is my dream home. It has EVERYTHING we are looking for in a house we want to buy. I spoke with her for a few more minutes and found out they are thinking of selling it lease option to buy. I knew it was the Lord working. I know that I will have this house.

This was the second time this week that I felt overly discouraged and decided to praise the Lord instead of being upset. The first time was on Monday after checking the mail and finding no money. I cried then I praised Him. Just a little while later I received a call to do a job that paid $200 for Tuesday. I was so happy!

So I guess now that I see it all written out I should not complain the Lord is ALWAYS there when we need him. He will ALWAYS make sure we have what we need. He is an AMAZING God.

What I have learned this week is maybe, just MAYBE its about loving God first and myself second. I will always struggle to love myself until I can learn to always love God. Even when I am mad at him. Even when I don't understand him. EVEN when I am negative in my bank account and I have paychecks that are being sent back because an accountant in Florida forgot to put my apartment number on the envelope.  Life goes on.

Tonight my kids are fed, I am fed, and I have a body that is healthy and will get up for work tomorrow. Even if it will take a month to get paid. It's all in Gods will.

I am Katie Hear Me ROAR!

I seek change in myself. In order to do this I must be honest with who I am...honest with who I want to be...honest with my past. I have to be accepting of who I was. I have to learn to be more forgiving of myself. I need to learn to forgive others as Christ has forgiven me. 

I am a caring person. I will go out of my way to help anyone that I feel needs it. I love helping people. I love seeing that I made a difference in one persons life.

I am a loving person. I love quickly and deeply. This can cause deep emotional pain later but I am always willing to give someone my love.

I strive to be the best at everything I do. I want perfection. This can seem like a bad thing but I am always wanting to better myself.

These three things are what I love about myself. These qualities are what I am going to use in the journey I have planned for myself.

I am insecure....very insecure. I feel like the odd man out in most situations. I love myself don't get me wrong. I am not ashamed of who I am. I just feel like people don't get me. I am always afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. Through my walk with Christ I am working on this. I am learning to accept myself.

I am an impatient mother. I HATE this about myself!! I am so much better than I used to be, but I still struggle with this on a daily basis. I have an autistic step son that I have 50 percent of the time and a four (almost five) year old that is already showing signs of adhd. I am forced to be more patient. I am learning to start our morning routine a little earlier because of what I call the "ooh butterfly" syndrome.

I make excuses for people. Even strangers. I try to remember that maybe they are having a bad day/week/month/or life. Sometimes people are just jerks and they don't deserve an excuse.

These are the three things I hate the most about myself.  In the last year I have started to learn to love myself. I have tried to accept myself. I have renewed my faith in Christ. I know through him all things are possible.

Through my walk with Christ I have started to want to improve myself. I want to be a more gentle and peaceful person. I seek peace. I am an anxious person. I worry a lot. I am learning to be more trusting in the Lord.

In the next 52 weeks my goal is to once a week sit down and write about the changes I feel. I look forward to growing closer to the Lord. I want to seek him more, glorify him in my times of hardship, and praise him continuously.